


Darling, Will We Talk In The Morning?

by AnotherPhanficWriter



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Introspection, M/M, One Night Stands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 05:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21314854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherPhanficWriter/pseuds/AnotherPhanficWriter
Summary: Fic where Dan's grindr dates never work out.Until it accidentally did?
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title and Fic based on Sam Fender's Will We Talk In The Morning?  
Hope you don't get deterred by the tags, I promise it's not shit.

"I just wanted a fuck". He sighed, pulling his hair out (figuratively). Dan's grindr date, whom he'd been chatting with for well over two weeks, was in his kitchen. Not the room he wanted him in, although he wouldn't have minded getting down and dirty in his kitchen, it's just hygiene is a thing. 

"Not happening, Daniel James Howell". His date sang from inside the pantry. Dan didn't even care if he was fucking up his flat, because at this point the guy had done nothing to Dan. Absolutely nothing, which was bad. 

"Philip Michael Lester, Stop stuffing that Turkey and come stuff me with your big -" 

"Not doing Turkey. I remember you telling me you were mostly vegetarian". Phil said, continuing chopping, slicing and dicing various vegetables. 

"Yes, but I still eat ass". Dan sighed. The noises from the kitchen reminding him of his shortcomings (appropriate). 

"I can't cook all too well, but I do a mean stir fry". Phil smiled, popping his head around where Dan was laying across his sofa with his head facing the kitchen. "Stir fry okay for you?". 

Dan rolled his eyes, why did he super like this guy? "That's fine". 

"It'll be done soon, we could play 21 questions!". Phil shouted from the kitchen, grabbing plates and making noise. 

Dan stood up and got cutlery to set the table up. "My first question, Lester, when am I getting dicked down?". 

Phil hummed, considering the answer while he piled the two plates high with peppers, noodles and some sort of sauce. "When we've gotten to know each other". 

Dan sighed and made a beeline to the table, ready for his first home cooked meal since he'd moved out, he lived on takeaways and things you could microwave or eat raw. "You're question, chef", he said as he took a bite out of the meal, and maybe made a little moan (maybe a big one). 

"Did you seriously just want to fuck? This just sounded like a date when we messaged". Phil asked, looking down at his plate and pushing around a noodle.

"I'll be honest, Phil. Yeah. I haven't had sex in 6 months, so I hopped on Grindr to give me a quick fix and now, this is gonna have to be a second date type thing". Dan sighed. 

"Why, a- a second date?". Phil asked, blushing slightly. 

"I don't fuck on a full stomach". Dan spoke with a full mouth. He chewed and swallowed and continued, "Grindr isn't really working out for me most days, but this food is really good". 

Phil nodded and thanked him, "What do you mean 'Grindr isn't working out for you'?", he asked, adding strange air quotation marks.

Dan held his hand out for a second while he went and grabbed two glasses and a rosé he'd been keeping for his lone emo Saturday nights where he blasts helena by my chemical romance until 3am. 

He quickly poured the chill wine into the glasses, his filled fully and Phil's halfway. He took a quick chug and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "I've managed to get 6 dates on that app, this is my sixth, and they just aren't what I expected". 

"We need to set our expectations lower, this is my sixth date too". Phil chuckled, taking a small sip of his wine. And another. 

"Oooh, shall we name what went wrong?". Dan asked, feeling mischievous. 

Phil agreed, this could be quite fun. 

"So my first date went wrong because he wanted sex but didn't have any condoms, I gave him a hand job and then he unmatched with me when I got home". Dan said, taking another sip of his wine. Phil giggled in response, the wine already affecting him. 

"My first date went wrong because at the end of our date, he asked me if he could piss on me and just, ew". Phil admitted, he felt a weird weight lift off his shoulder. 

"Jesus. My second date went wrong because he wanted to bottom and so did I, we had a huge argument and he went to have sex with his roommate instead".

Phil hesitated for a second, taking a sip of his wine. "My second date went wrong because he kept unwantedly feeling me up in public, he drove me to his when I asked him to drive me home and I had to make a run for it, I went on Grindr the next day and he deleted his profile". 

Dan's eyes widened, "That's rough". He took Phil's hand and massaged his knuckles. "My third date went wrong because I got too drunk, vomited on their dog and ended up falling to sleep on their couch".

Phil snorted, "You vomited on their dog?". Dan nodded before filling both their wine glasses up. "My third date went wrong because he offered to cook, and I didn't tell him I was lactose intolerant, I ended up feeling really ill and he cried because he really loved cheese". 

Dan almost cried laughing. "My fourth date went wrong because he just really smelt bad. We were in bed, and all I could smell was unwashed dick in my sheets, I kicked him out so fast". 

Phil laughed, taking more liberal gulps of his wine. "My fourth date went wrong because at the end of the date he was trying to flog me a new bed, he told me mine wasn't comfy. I think he worked at DFS". 

Dan cracked up laughing. "My fifth date went wrong because I went to his house, recognised the house and realised he was my dad's friend". Dan face planted the table, moving his cold plate out the way. "He was totally cheating on his wife and is almost 49, so he also lied about his age". 

Phil finished his glass of wine. "My fifth date went wrong because when I was trying to cook us a meal, he kept slapping my ass and trying to get me to have sex with him in the kitchen by massaging my ass cheeks and stuffing his hands down my pants". 

Dan's eyes widened, "That's basically what I've been doing to you, has this date gone wrong? I hadn't even decided yet". Dan finished the bottle off, and grabbed another, topping them both up again. 

"You haven't done that really, I came to your house and chickened out on a one night stand, cooked you a meal you didnt want, made a mess in your kitchen and you still probably won't get any of that good sex you wanted". Phil exhaled, taking his glass and swiftly drinking down the whole glass, even though it stung going down. 

"Will this go on our list of bad dates?", Dan asked again. He stood up and moved the plates in the kitchen and grabbed Phil's hand. "Let's go lie down in my bed, it's a double". Phil shook his head. 

"Dan, I already said. I don't have sex on first dates". Phil yawned, grabbing the half empty wine bottle and taking big gulps from it, letting Dan lift him up from his seat. 

"No sex, let's just lie down". Dan whispered, maybe he was more intoxicated then he originally thought. 

Phil gave up, as long as they were just laying down next to each other. He cuddled up to his bottle of wine whilst he let Dan pull him up some stairs and make a turn into a large bedroom. 

Dan put the light on and Phil got into the unfamiliar bed. "Make yourself at home", Dan laughed. 

"I will", Phil yawned, stretching his limbs out and finishing off the last dregs of the wine, quite regrettably. 

Dan got on the other side, facing Phil. "So, you're using grindr for actual love?". Dan asked, swiping Phil's quiff down in front of his face. It felt appropriate.

Phil yawned again, "I am. I don't like hook ups, they're defo not for me". Phil slurred, his eyes closed the whole time. 

"Not a one night stand sort of guy?". 

Phil blinked his eyes open, trying his best to stay awake. "Not really, I've never been one for the whole 'will they stay like they promised' because they never do". Phil said, teetering off. 

"I get that, some people want commitment". Dan whispered. 

Phil nodded a little, "There was this guy at my friend's wedding a few months ago, I thought we really hit it off. We had sex later that night", Phil sniffed and swallowed back tears, "And the next day he was gone. He took his phone number out my phone and left a note on my phone saying he was married and it was a mistake".

Dan wiped Phil's tears away with his thumb. 

"Romance doesn't exist anymore, you know? All my friends do this... little dance. They go out, find someone they fancy, fuck and they never have to worry about that person. It really hurts, Dan. To not be good enough to be someone's happy ending, to not talk in the morning. Will we talk in the morning?". Phil finished his rant, dropping the wine bottle and letting it roll away from the bed. 

"It's alright, Phil". Dan whispered. Phil has started lightly snoring, the alcohol knocking him out. "I'll be here in the morning". 

Dan pulled the cover up over their two bodies and turned his lamp off. He shut his eyes once he was sure Phil was okay. 

Maybe he wanted to look after this man. Maybe he wanted him to stick around and cook more stir fry. Maybe he wanted to just talk in the morning.


	2. It's Getting Late, Would You Like to Stay ('Cause I'm Bad at Reading Signs)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil wakes up after a night of drinking, in an unfamiliar bed and no idea where he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, second chapter because I got sad at the idea of leaving it so ambiguous. Title from Lauv - Feelings

When Phil woke up in the morning, hungover in an unfamiliar setting, he froze. He couldn't quite remember how he got here, and clearly, quite regrettably, wasn't sure what was happening right now. 

Opening his eyes was his best bet, but seeing from how his eyes reacted to being open only just a minute ago, he decided he'd just let himself be murdered if that was going to be happening anyway.

He lay still just listening to the quiet of the room he was currently in, but the uncomfortable sting in his eyes made him get up and open them. And yup. Definitely not his bedroom. 

But he did remember he had a date yesterday. 

He slipped out the bed he was in anyway, a bed no one else was occupying thank god (well, he knew nothing of a sexual nature had happened, he still had his Jeans on). He found the bathroom fairly quickly, it was the room opposite the bedroom he just woke up in. He popped his contacts out and splashed his eyes with water.

Phil then blindly walked down the unfamiliar corridors and then found what he was looking for: his coat; and more importantly, his glasses hidden in a leather pouch inside the inner coat pocket. He placed them on his nose and had a wonder around the rest of the flat. There was a few small lumps covered by a red and brown chequered blanket on the sofa in the living room. That must've been his date. 

He walked into the kitchen, with the idea that a coffee and toast would fix his hangover, upon seeing two bottles of red wine completely finished. 

Some memories of last night entered his mind, and he tinkered about with a kettle and cupboards. He tried, he really did, to be quiet. But he heard groans coming from the boy on the couch. 

Phil peeped his head around. The boy was still asleep, barely. He needed coffee and to remember a name. 

Attempting to quietly make a coffee (with oat milk, as that was all this guy had in his fringe) he remembered he should probably just check his phone. 

Clicking his phone on, with only 23% he worked quickly to get on the app. He remembered the name before he found it. "Dan". He muttered out loud. 

"Yeah?". Dan yawned, walking into the kitchen. Phil jumped and pocketed his phone. He waved awkwardly and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Do you make it a regular thing to walk into people's kitchens, leave all the cupboard doors open and steal their coffee and milk?". Dan asked, grabbing himself a mug and passing it to Phil. "Dash of milk, no sugar". 

Phil took the cup and made Dan a cup of coffee, all while trying to avoid his eyes. "I'm sorry about- ya know- last night. If I was sober I'm sure I'd have left and you could've slept-"

Dan laughed, cutting Phil off. "It's fine, I fall asleep on the couch all the time. Nothing I'm not used to". 

Phil handed Dan his cup of coffee and took a big gulp of his own boiling hot cup, letting the heat roll down his throat. 

"I'm really sorry, I got so drunk. I don't drink all that much usually. I hope I wasn't too embarrassing". Phil blinked, staring down into his steamy mug.

"You don't remember?". Dan asked nervously, which Phil picked up on. What did he do? He remembers cooking food, eating the food and then wine, lots of wine. He told Dan about some of his bad dates. 

"I remember we got drunk? I don't remember going to the bedroom, I was a little nervous we did something last night-"

Dan cut off Phil with stilled laughter. "We didn't do anything! I literally had to force you to stay in my bed and not follow me downstairs for a quick fuck". 

Phil hummed, it didn't sound like him and he knows drunk Phil well. "I'm not as, like, randy as you're making out here". 

"Randy?".  
"What's wrong with randy, it's a good word and describes the exact opposite of how I was yesterday"

Dan shook his head and finished the last dregs of his coffee. "Fine, we fell asleep in bed yesterday". 

Phil gestured for him to carry on, "completely innocently...?" 

"Yes, completely. And then I woke up a few hours ago and came down here instead" Dan smiled at Phil. 

"Well, I should probably go". Phil yawned, stretching his arm out and placing his mug behind Dan. 

Dan felt... sad. Disappointed? He really kind of wanted Phil to stay a little bit. 

"Work?". Dan asked, taking Phil's arm and tracing patterns on his pale skin. 

Phil's train of thought was lost, somewhere between candyland, caffeine trip and hornyhorndog. "Erm, err. No! Freelance. I'm a freelance video editor". 

"Do you want to stay for Mario Kart and lunch?". Dan asked, putting more faith in this relationship than any he'd had in the last three years.

"Is that a euphemism?". Phil grinned cheekily.

"No, but it can be later if you play your cards right". Dan giggled, taking Phil's hand and leading him into the lounge. 

And later, when Phil was sat in Dan's kitchen, shovelling a crap ton of oreos down his throat, he realised he could probably delete Grindr. 

Dan had done the same at 5am that morning, just after deciding that maybe sixth times the charm.


End file.
